Dismissive avoidant ex reddit relationships. We got into a really big fight 1.

Dismissive avoidant ex reddit relationships We'd like to take this time to I tried everything for quite some time to talk my dismissive avoidant ex partner into not separating. There were no major arguments/fights/issues in the relationship. Their body language is changed My ex is (at least thats how i see it) a hardcore dismissive avoidant. We did everything a typical relationship had, we traveled together, met each other friends, and I practically moved into his apartment. After I ended a whirlwind 1. The biggest lesson my relationship with my Avoidant Ex taught me is to have a zero tolerance and zero accommodation for bad and inconsiderate behavior. Also, look up the sunk cost fallacy. I did become more self aware after a very volatile and miserable relationship with a fearful avoidant man that got me back in therapy, but the relationship honestly left me more scarred than anything else and I’m glad I ended it. 5 months ago was actually an avoidant discard. I don't know if having him unable to contact you would make a difference really if they're an actual phantom ex, meaning idealising him and your relationship as a subconsious distancing strategy. tbh i dont really want him back unless he miraculously gets therapy and heals. The other was a couple of months - a bit harder as I live with the person and sometimes when they say certain things I need space but never more than a few hours. I always had the impression he ran and thought that in the end he would regret and we would make amends. I think a little bit of deactivation is inevitable, even transiently for secure people. It is a confusing situation at best. Also, with dismissive avoidant individuals, there can be the tendency to fault find as a subconscious strategy to maintain safety in autonomy and avoid having to be vulnerable with someone. But I was blindsided, she deactivated, and in the end, she sabotaged our relationship because she couldn’t handle Her feelings. He did also go on to abuse me post relationship so that is also an enormous factor into my never wanting to hear/see him again. i also gave him the opportunity to end the relationship a couple of times - he always would get upset and blame me for even thinking about it. Both willing to work together on fixing ourselves. We were close friends then became best friends and started dating. I think these might be the only indicators. 8) “Is my avoidant ex going to come back?” Avoidant exes, like any other ex, could come back. Perhaps it’s because you’ve both tried to work through issues unsuccessfully. I wanted the relationship so bad that I would do everything to self abandon my needs just to please him. So, understanding your attachment style will help you understand how and why we select our future partners. my dismissive avoidant side comes out a lot quicker because of how “boring” the relationship is. I (anxious attached) was with a dismissive avoidant (DA) for 12 months. We had been together for 6months, bur the connection was so strong since the beggining. Just trying to come out of a 2 year relationship. They are dead set on their insecurities and view them as a strength. So when she gets back I’ll try In my relationship now, I am now secure, and in my relationships with others outside the relationship, I've gone from FA to AP leaning secure. Those are his own demons. Except my (now) ex’s biggest problem was managing his temper and anger but he wasn’t above being dismissive or stonewalling. Our first relationship was 9 months, then we broke up, got back together after a month, and this lasted for 9 months as well until last week’s break. Have you been blindsided with a breakup? It’s difficult enough when you sense or know that the end is nigh for your relationship. I can't even tell you the amount of conversations we've had. Dismissive avoidants may engineer romantic pseudo-relationships in their lives that enable them go a long time without having to deal with the realities of real daily intimacy, conflict resolution Hi, I’m 25M dealing with my second break up of the same relationship with my dismissive avoidant girlfriend (24). Realizing that there were two people in the relationship and that I wasn't a saint (even though he keeps reassuring me that I'm perfect). My (27F) dismissive avoidant ex (39M) broke up with me in beginning of aug after 2. I'm currently seeing a classic 'dismissive avoidant' type Very unconsciously they can expect that the test of a true attachment figure is they should remain through all bad treatment - when, unlike the parent-child bond, love in healthy adult relationships is conditional on treating each other well. Everything at the start was perfect, then once he had me, it all changed. I dealt with an avoidant ex boyfriend off and on (long distance now) for 23 years. I don’t know how to tell him that he is dismissive avoidant without making him defensiveand I don’t know if Mine came back after 2 weeks, a month, 8 months and 2 years lol. Do a Google search. Had a deeply dismissive avoidant ex, and it took me years of healing to get past his bullshit. Dismissive avoidants are a nightmare in this aspect and I would bet on winning the lottery over my ex ever changing. Depending what kind of relationship you had with them, it will reflect on how you treat those close to you as an adult. I tried to call him over Thanksgiving break and no response. When relationships fall apart, it happens for a reason (and attraction has never been the reason in any of my cases). Good communication is key in healthy relationships. Dismissive Attachment and Anxious Attachment make really poor matches. When we first started talking: she was funny, flirty and excited to meet up. Advice Dismissive Avoidant Ex + Birthday Coming Up Me (M22) and my ex (F20) broke up a month ago today. I don't want to control you I want my autonomy. You will have a chance to get your power back. I do feel that Dismissive-Avoidant people get vilified a lot though and while some are jerks a lot of us can be a good partner as long as we have the space and ability to feel independent within the relationship. Told me he didn’t want a relationship when I pushed for more after 6 months. I definitely was mad when my ex was in a happy relationship while I was stuck by myself feeling lonely—but A that relationship eventually failed, and B if you actually love someone you want good things for them. That was the problem with my ex, she wasn’t ready to face those challenges even though she was well aware of being a dismissive avoidant. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword searching "FAQ. Her way to deal with these situations was to shut down completely, to play it all down or - in the worst case - to insult me. The longest it took for my ex-DA to reach out after taking off was a year and a half. How would a secure act on recieving breadcrumbs from a Dismissive Avoidant ex? AP seeking advice My DA ex was sending me loads of different breadcrumbs after slow fading on me and forcing me to breakup because of not putting any effort, expressing doubts about our relationship, checking out emotionally, no physical intimacy and the list continues. Here's the thing I didn't know. I had an avoidant ex that realized that she really did want the relationship, but that was only after she had pushed me away. I gave him the space he needed. I was not “fixed” by a partner. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. I hope this post validates some of you. the reality was I was working and planning on meeting him (the LD boyfriend). TLDR; sociopathic things about my ex. I say partner, but I’m not sure where we stand. I finally had to block to stop the cycle. I was his most successful relationship, and the only partner he’s said I love you to (I made him say it first, due to his avoidant tendencies). My ex (30m) and I (30f) broke up 2 months ago and I am not doing great. Both of us (him being pretty textbook dismissive and me more so Avoidant). he breadcrumbed during I am a dismissive-avoidant that has returned to nearly all my exes (within 3-4 months, if I initiated the breakup). I had a relationship for 1,5 years with an dismissive-avoidant. For background and not to get to specific but she has been through major emotional traumas in life. What needs might be unmet in your current relationship? Try to figure that out and that is what you can communicate to your current partner. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. That person will act like a dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant in that specific relationship. i told him if he didnt want to be in a relationship then to just end things. At one point i feel the depth of your relationship overwhelmed her and completely shut her down and things like this do happen very randomly with people that are avoidant and haven't healed from past experience. Our members listen, support, and encourage each other on their path to independence. My ex flipped really quickly a few times, the first time he did I had no idea what was going on as it was like trying to talk to a totally different For example, I was willing to work with my ex on his anxiety, but I was not willing to continue working on the relationship when he sought attention from other people and had inappropriate conversations with his ex husband (this happened early on in our relationship and we did work through it until I found out he was continuing it behind my back and lying to me). The person I dated was more avoidant, and in fact, behaved like a textbook fearful avoidant at the end. We got into a really big fight 1. Tell him you're working on yourself. Unfortunately I needed to be broken up to see that. We do not allow users to privately message other I dated someone when I was 20 who might have been dismissive avoidant. And I don't enter relationships very often I had one relationship that lasted 5 years (with another avoidant) and I broke it off for a number of reasons. **This community isspecifically for those with a DA attachment style** This is to vent, support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. No drama or chaos lol but I’m working on appreciating that so I I loved her unconditionally, but avoidants will see problems in the relationship and the second they feel their own spark is dying, they will cough it up as a sign to terminate the entire relationship instead of understanding that is normal in long term relationships (5 years together) and it’s necessary to voice what you need emotionally out Hi i feel like my scenario is so similar with yours. At first I was confused and lost as to why she would end it but then as I reflected I learned that I’m avoidant. You seem to be very aware of why a relationship is not viable between you, even if it is a possibility should you wish to pursue reconciliation. I made it clear we are ex’ not roommates and that do not engage with me been sleeping on couch and keeping my distance. I’m a fearful-avoidant leaning dismissive and it was this weird push/pull with both of us, and this too much/not enough energy. . "Does my avoidant ex miss me?" (Do you know if a complete stranger's ex, who is also a complete stranger to you, misses their ex?) Unlikely, if they broke up with you. I only watched a couple of his videos. Perfect in every way. Because the therapist wanted to skirt Yesterday, after 5 months of NC my dismissive-avoidant ex gf text me saying "hey, just wanting to say hi. There truly is no getting through if they are not self-aware/actively working through their own insecure attachment styles. I wasn't really aware of attachment theory before this year, but in learning more about myself, I've come to realize that many of my relationships have fizzled out or ended due to shying away from deeper, sustained intimacy and vulnerability because it feels safer. My(28) long-distance partner(23) is DA, on top of going through some stress due to immediate circumstances. It was truly dismissive “ not want to be in a relationship, and want to heal type scenario” but also bailed on me for a reference letter I was requesting for a visa application a week before the deadline. Please make sure you read our rules here. I spent a lot of time despising the concept of avoidant, especially dismissive avoidant. <3 My ex of course jumped to a relationship after two weeks post break up and now he gets to be long /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Now realizing she was most likely dismissive (maybe even fearful) avoidant, but what was weird in that the first few months we were dating, it seemed like she was mostly secure with some minor . So you can see that made for one hell of a ride. He screwed up and lost that dream and it changed him forever. Please make sure you read our rules here. Been dating for 4 months also. Remember in the beginning of a DA relationship it feels like you met the woman/man of your dreams. My ex who broke up with me a week ago (after 2 years together, and half a year of him claiming he was fighting himself), for the reasons of I lost feelings, I can get what I'm getting in this relationship in any other relationship, I wanna work on us but I feel drained and I don't want to hurt u if I give it another chance and feel this way again, has actually contacted me almost so my ex broke up with me couple days ago. Though it didn’t start like this. He acts although we’re in a relationship when we’re together but he is dismissive avoidant and communication via text is strictly on a needs must basis never just for a chit chat. If they’re actively avoidant you will never have a healthy relationship and Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. . ADMIN MOD What is your experience with a dismissive avoidant ex girlfriend? Did they come back or initiate contact after? My DA ex dumped me about two My ex told me he had only 3 relationships but none lasted 1 year. We had a pretty much perfect and lovely a year of relationship — we knew each other for 5 years already before having romantic relationship. I discovered attachment theory probably a week after my first relationship ended and started doing a lot of research into it. I (m, 33) am in a relationship with a dismissive-avoidant wife (w, 33). Said wants to take things slow. Or check it out in the app stores Home; Popular; TOPICS support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. I found that dynamic really pleasant, to be honest, though I was very puzzled at his "odd" reactions to anything that upset the status quo (say, a short trip together where we shared a room). My fiancé (41m) is avoidant and I am FA leaning anxious but starting to lean secure. Even though it doesn't explain every individual or every circumstance in a relationship, the dismissive avoidant attachment style does track my ex's behavior over the course of our I broke up with my avoidant ex last night, after 4 months. " Non-avoidant participation is limited and enforced. " I am four months post break up with my dismissive avoidant ex who initiated the break up text book blindsided. I hadn’t done anything wrong, treated him well, started to fall in love and really cared. To keep this a safe space for avoidant attachers, this subreddit is strictly moderated. They sabotage a healthy relationship while always keeping a door halfway open as an escape route. " "the avoidant partner is unaware of his or her extreme dependence on the other. If you try to fix your relationship with an avoidant by sacrificing your own needs, it's not worth it. During the situationship (I wanted commitment, but he was always saying he wasn’t ready / scared), I was ghosted multiple times, belittled, kept Need help with your relationship? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! : we're here to help! Members Online • brokeflyguy. In my observation it’s pretty core to an avoidant’s experience—it’s a way of getting restless due to unaired tensions, often internal or picked up from work and family but sometimes due to the relationship itself. I expected to feel infatuated, or simply more "in love" with her than I did and that was simply never a feeling I ever had in our relationship, although I have had that feeling in the past with exes. Yes, avoidant individuals have these kinds of thought patterns which can come from the beliefs such as I will be betrayed, I will be trapped or I am unsafe. Dismissive avoidant ex wants contact but no intimacy Me and my ex (30yo) have broken up after 3 years because of different life plans and our attachment styles causing issues (avoidant-anxious trap, push-pull dynamic). hope you're happy and healthy. Some lasted less than 6 months. I was so excited to meet in person. Recognizing the signs of an avoidant attachment style is important to greater relationship satisfaction. I broke up with her because I was tired of this exhausting push-pull-dynamic and being the only one speaking openly about issues and problems in our relationship. The only avoidant who is a viable candidate for a relationship is a healed one (so, no longer avoidant). Hyper independence, viewing vulnerability as a weakness, support seen as useless, extreme suppression of emotions through constant distraction, inability to resolve conflict. You don't have to start up a Saying “I shouldn’t need this much space this deep into a 1 year relationship” to justify his actions too. I didn’t even know how to be anymore. I’m avoidant and I was in another relationship about 2-3 months after I ended the relationship with my previous girlfriend of two years. The relationship was perfect for the first 6 months. My ex (DA, 27F) dumped me (27M) back in december. " **This is a support sub for those who have a dismissive avoidant (DA) attachment style. Like you, my trust in relationship was eroded after the Dismissive Avoidant, and I am still checking myself, lest any unfairness spill over to prospective dates now. I met my (now) ex-fiancee who turned out to be a dismissive avoidant (DA) 2 years ago. To an avoidant personality 30 days feels like 10 days. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. if they feel that the relationship is going too fast, or getting too intimate, that might trigger what's called an avoidant attachment response – in other words, they cheat as a form of escape. 5 years. His next relationship will end the same way, my avoidant ex told me his last relationship ended the same way ours did he got triggered by stuff going on in his life and couldn’t talk to her, started resenting her, checked out, they starting fighting and she left. I have been through a lot of difficult things in my life but the relationship and break up with a dismissive avoidant is the most painful thing ever. The anxious partner continues to stay and tolerate being treated with either indifference or kept in a grey area where the relationship is undefined. Alone. Because they will see how much efforts you put in, and they will know that you have resentments. I had dismissive avoidant attachment style (mostly with my parents, some romantic relationships). To give a little backstory, I am a DA and been fighting with the urge to breakup with my seemingly perfect partner of 6 years for the last 6 months My ex was definitely a dismissive avoidant type. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Because they’re slow to develop feelings. We were both aged 32. How long does it take. So I live abroad but have been gone for summer. He was My ex and I dated from April to December of last year (2022), but were only *official* from August forward. Mother was cold to her in her childhood even lived with her grandparents as a teenager because of it. Dismissive Avoidant ex . I have Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment due to childhood trauma. I haven't had a proper relationship since then so I haven't gotten to the 'feeling obligated to spend time with them' stage very often since. I am a dismissive avoidant, struggling between feeling trapped in the relationship and the fear of abandonment outside of it (feeling that my partner gets me and loves me, and no one else why is my dismissive avoidant ex like this? My boyfriend (21 M) and I (20 F) broke up for the second time last week. She has a lot going on right now and felt she didn’t have the capacity to be the person she wanted to be in the relationship. I will not enumerate everything that happened in the relationship, but the following should be enough to summarize our dynamic: First try: In hindsight, we had some codependent tendencies. Or check it out in the app stores &nbsp; Did the rebound relationship of your ex work out? I ve been nc for 3 months with my dismissive avoidant ex. I finally had to put an end to our relationship because mentally I was declining. He treated me horribly but I stayed because I was/am super trauma bonded with him. Search dismissive avoidant on Reddit. It was my first relationship so I have a lot to learn still. I can no longer do that knowing what I always thought my ex was so stable and well-rounded, neither avoidant nor anxious. the guy I ended up in a relationship with was I believe an avoidant and I didn’t really know attachment styles like that at the time. I don't agree with an ex is an ex for a reason, there are a lot of couples right now that shouldn't even be together and most of the time people get losing feelings mixed up with attraction but not exactly physical attraction, love is always there if it's real and that's why space and time work because reality hits you like damn I do love this person because love kicks in once you feel like My ex is an avoidant (hard to tell if his's dismissive or fearful), and he literally cannot find it in himself to commit, even though he and I match in a ridiculous amount of ways. I don't know if he's dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant or just a straight up asshole but we were in a cyclical relationship for 6 years. Or check it out in the app stores &nbsp; support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. He blocked me everywhere and I was so anxious. I feel tremendous guilt over my behaviour and the only course of action I Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. ** Redditors who are not DA can post in the All AT Styles thread. Dismissive avoidants usually are the ones to cut you off and pretend you don’t exist lol. She is a dismissive avoidant and she had started to distance herself by text and seemed less enthused than her usual self when Facetiming with me (we were in semi LDR - she comes back to town every 2 weekends). 5 years situationship 4 months ago, I deactivated all my social media accounts. and had lots of red flags. I had never been treated that coldly in my life. In sum, a total of 9 months, but 5 with the bf/gf title. His dad ran out on him and abondoned the family. one that you won’t understand until untold amounts of research after the fact. While he has his faults as a dismissive avoidant I too have faults as a an anxious lover. Seeing her mother in the act of cheating on her dad in middle school, toxic exes, violent relationships. Throughout the time we were dating I could see her withdrawing from the slightest sense of conflict and she would abruptly need large amounts of space whenever we started to connect intimately. To give a little context, I am a Dismissive Avoidant. They usually come back but it takes them a very long time. But he talked A LOT and told me all about an ex that cheated on him 6 years ago, and he mentioned he hasn’t been in a relationship in 6 years and only has situations that last about 1-2 months at most. he began to It’s easier for me to do that because I’m a fearful avoidant and not a dismissive avoidant. Just because someone is dismissive avoidant doesn’t mean their behavior isn’t emotionally abusive. In my experience, whenever an avoidant has reached back out to me, it's usually 4 months+ no contact and I'm already in a better relationship. So it’s less about the ex herself and more about what you think is lacking right now. He said he needed space, we had come to a breaking point after fighting a lot and him pulling away and I told him that either this relationship should move forward or let me go. Most of those relationships fail as you cannot have a strong bond without true vulnerability. This is NOT an excuse for his abusive behavior. When an AP dates another AP, one is usually more avoidant than the other. I booked our hotel and he thought I was cheating on him. Since he is a dismissive avoidant, he probably feels so much relief and independence and freedom and he is out there right now focusing on his While me To keep this a safe space for avoidant attachers, this subreddit is strictly moderated. After my breakup understanding how my ex was avoidant, why they did what they 7) “Does my avoidant ex think about me?” (Do you know if a complete stranger is thinking about another complete stranger?” Yes, only if the avoidant ex has said they do. We met in work. Does anyone have experience ignoring a dismissive avoidant and specifically how do they react? Of course, everyone is different regardless of their attachment style. Even though the first 3 months of our relationship were really nice, after that it went downhill very fast. My ex, however, once I deactivated, it was for good. Thus I am able to control my anxious style and am currently feeling more secured as I have done some work and got more "numbed" by the avoidant actions, inactions and way of thinking. Hoping he finds healing - at least in part so he never does that to anyone else again! Secure introvert - that's what I assumed my DA ex was during our relationship (bear in mind I had no idea what avoidant attatchment was!). Sometimes they aren't though. At the present time she is quite frustrated and has stated she does not want to be friends. A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an unconscious fear of abandonment) which manifests in us fiercely defending/asserting our Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. Every time I felt like breaking no contact with DA, I would go to Reddit to read all the heartache, confusion and immense disappointment from Dismissive Avoidant - and kick myself back to keep and stay NC. I met this person 3 years ago, but we were only close friends for the He was convinced my ex and were doing something. he never gave any effort in anything. Ex No Contact is a breakup support group focused on self-reliance and general healing. If in time they understand what they do the only way that it could be fixed is therapy for themselves and unpacking why they are dismissive and avoidant. Thanks for replying <3 honestly The Reddit community and breakup forums have been getting me through this hell and keeping me sane. I couldn't understand how we were basically in a relationship so why couldn't he just make me his gf. TLDR - AP and DAs can mix if they figure out each other triggers and how to work together. She had been with many guys but never in a relationship, and I had a pretty long relationship before, so completely different cases. She was dealing with her own trauma she got from her parents abusing her mentally. Edit : will reply once I can in 11 days, thanks all for commenting. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors. He didnt know he was avoidant at the time i knew him. A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an unconscious fear of abandonment) which manifests in us fiercely defending Phantom ex is about current unmet needs that maybe you had met with the ex. But anxious and avoidant don't mix. my ex and I dated for 5 years. What are my chances if my dismissive avoidant ex is in a serious relationship with someone else? My ex ghosted me with a text even though we had a good connection. (I found out afterwards from talking to his ex girlfriend that he has always monkey branched every relationship. he has a dismissive avoidant attachment style. I wonder if he would get mad at his mom and shun her for emotionally neglecting him if/ when he finds out about his avoidant attachment. By themselves. These so called “dating coaches” encourage us to give avoidants so much grace but plain and simple, I simply don’t think they deserve a shred of grace. I had no idea about attachment styles until the past two days, but in hindsight remember she View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit Dismissive avoidant ex My dismissive avoidant ex of almost 3 years, (22 F) broke up with me (21 M) roughly three weeks ago. You have got to understand these people are traumatised. He chased me for 10 years, sent me a message from fake accounts every 2 or 3 years. So I’ve been on both ends of the attachment styles (woohoo) and can firmly say that when I was with my avoidant ex, my anxious side was full throttle and I was determined to find my worth in cracking open his heart and would desperately try to win his love and approval subconsciously confirming that I was the problem for a broken relationship and I had to do everything in my I’ve had amazing experiences with my avoidant ex and I wouldn’t take a thing back. I want to hash things out. 5 months or so ago about the topic. It absolutely depends on where they are on the spectrum and if they want to make changes to have a successful relationship. I say this as people with avoidant tendencies in relationships have their 'red flags' also, which might be nigh impossible for their partner to This is the correct answer. And the longer you are in these type or relationships, the longer the partner is going to realize something is missing. Sometimes you need to see that the relationship was actually not good for them. ) Is your ex maybe fearful avoidant? I've been dumped by FAs and then they always want to get back together, but to me it seems APs like my relationship now never want to end the relationship under any circumstances, always want to work through things and keep trying. I don’t blame her at all. DA’s don’t really reach out as much. So my ex and I had dated for about 5 months. But the BU wasn’t nice. Really did blindsided me, we were great together, always laughing, we barely even argued, besides once a couple of months ago due some misunderstandings. Cut your ex off for good Apply the strictest no contact rule there is – the indefinite no contact rule Avoid making breakup mistakes Wait for the avoidant to experience difficulties with someone else Allow him or her to contact you and chase you (exes don’t want to be chased – especially avoidants) Found them from an article. Then at our one year anniversary he came to me and said sorry he had issues with attachments, he thanked me for being patient. My partner (33/M) and I (32/F) have been together for 5 months and it's been going pretty well, but I'm very aware of the fact that I have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style and it negatively affects our relationship at times, especially since he has more of an anxious attachment style (although I would say that he displays minimal "protest" behavior and is a lot less anxious than As a dismissive-avoidant I cannot stand when people automatically lump D/A and narcissists together. It's a dark and hard path, just like learning how to be secure and heal our own wounds. dismissive avoidant ex . I am finally realizing now that a blindside breakup I went through 1. I’m a fearful avoidant and I have reached out to apologize to people 1-3 years later. I’m new to the DA world, so naturally I was just searching the “dismissive avoidant” keyword on YouTube and his content started showing up. for 4 months travelling and in a way it gives me a little more hope as it gives her more time and space to get over the avoidant feeling of being overwhelmed by the relationship and she won’t get into a relationship or see anyone as she’s travelling the other side of the world. I have no words, just virtual hugs of comfort. I am genuinely at a loss, and love him so deeply. Or check it out in the app stores My ex is a dismissive avoidant too, reading this is like a mirror image of my relationship except I'm the girl and my ex is the guy I'm avoidant and all I want in a relationship is someone who comes at me as whole person with their own things Avoidants are incapable of relationships but that won’t stop them from trying at your expense. Or check it out in the app stores My dismissive avoidant ex dumped me, one of her friends who I’ve always had a crush on has expressed interest in me. In the whole relationship, We only argued or had a dispute once because I asked her to spend more time, which resulted in her being SUPER DEFENSIVE and even saying that I cannot fulfil your expectations and i need space. Has anyone been blocked and unblocked from your ex. My ex(21 F)a Dismissive avoidant broke up with me (26M) anxious preoccupied months ago. This avoidant ex is a “well respected” meditation leader and pushed the past leader out because “he wasn’t as well versed in meditation”, then doing a hostile takeover of the My avoidant ex seems to have a great relationship with his mother. He has also at the beginning of meeting Definitely like this,My dismissive avoidant and I were together for over a year. I wonder if your ex is a fearful avoidant then. I decided to reach out to my ex. I was very clear with my triggers that make me avoidant. He cheated, lied, withheld love, emotion, etc. But again everyone is different My ex (very fresh breakup) is most definitely a dismissive avoidant. However he also displays sociopathic tendencies. It's a really Has anyone completely healed from their dismissive avoidant ex? More specifically, does anyone have something proven or tangible, supported or provided by a doctor, a psychologist, A educated therapist (not a relationship coach!) I have spoken with a therapist who has her registered psychology degree as well as a doctorate in philosophy. At the time of breakup, my ex’s last few messages included “i was not ready for a relationship”, “it’s not you,it’s me” and “you are right” etc. But I’m curious does it caused them to become angry? Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. Explains why my avoidant ex was super avoidant with me and anxiously attached to his baby mama and his family. It’s been very difficult. A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an And now that we are broken up, I hate the idea that he is already “moving on” and he is probably doing well. he said he feels like he can’t give me what i deserve, that he’s failing and that cutting off our relationship is the only way for him to focus on work and on bettering himself Ex girlfriend question ( dismissive avoidant ) A bit ago, I wrote something about my ex girlfriend who broke up recently with me, around one month ago. Just like your ex, he told me from the very beginning he couldn't make any promises about a relationship when I had told him very early on that I wanted a relationship (to quote you - "So they're also not one of those people dragging others into relationships and then not doing their part"), but he still stuck around long-distance for a few I was the same with my ex and she ended up breaking up with me because of it. 5 years and it was fantastic, she had come out of a 6 year relationship with a narcissist a year before we met who I know treated her badly and still tried to manipulate her, I was aware of this and tried to show her how she could be loved without manipulation and Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. I am leaning slightly more to the anxious side, but maybe she is also more strongly bringing out the anxious within me. Once you realize the problem was them and not you, then you should hope for them to heal and have a happier life. My ex dismissive avoidant blindsided me and monkey branched into another relationship. I don’t plan on texting her now but I’m trying to get a general idea on how I reach back out to her without crossing any boundaries. Classic avoidant all in at first then around 7 months started pulling back. I had the train tickets. Lol they have the same script. he told me he had like almost 10 relationships. For anyone wondering about dismissive attachment style, I find the secure relationship account on IG to be very helpful in breaking down attachment styles and behaviors. He also had a lifetime of trauma which although doesn’t excuse his bad behaviour, it does give it context. I started our relationship being very very very open with what he needed to do to "not lose me". If you’re actually curious, talk to her about your possible relationship without kids involved, then see how secure she Reading what you wrote made it clear to me that I have an insecure avoidant attachment style and made me realize just how much I put my ex through throughout our relationship. As an avoidant, what do you consider the line between being “chased” versus someone being “consistent”. At the same time, they can't meet those needs of yours because you sacrificed them in order to save your relationship. Don’t know about a dismissive avoidant but this may help. " Less than one minute after texting me, she sent me an email saying "i'm pretty sure you blocked me on everything but i just wanted to say hi and hope that you are happy and healthy !!!!!! :)" i had no clue she even had my email. He in turn was very open to what made him dismissive in the past. Texting a dismissive avoidant ex . I haven’t ever been able to understand. I'm fearful avoidant but working towards secure (with therapy and books) People who have not fully recovered from trauma, let alone a relationship with a narcissist cannot nurture relationships in a healthy way. I don't think he is capable of feeling real love because he has never allowed himself to feel big feelings. I became anxiously attached while with him and I never want to go back to that headspace. they will never be able to be themselves and I have always made them be on egg shells whenever I have questioned the relationship. I know you didn't ask, but my advice to you is talk to your guy, especially since you do want to be with him it seems. My ex broke up with me approximately 1 month ago. even in our closure conversation, he asked me if i truly thought he didnt love me when i Not sure how to add flair, but I am mostly secure and lean slightly anxious in friendships and slightly avoidant in relationships. He's textbook dismissive avoidant, we've talked about it, we've read about it together, he admits it, the only thing he won't do is therapy. I dont feel rhe need to reach out anymore but I still feel jealous and i am wondering if he treats her better. I realized I contributed to my partner's anxiety by being dismissive in the beginning of the relationship. You can't walk that path with them. Avoidantly attached partners appear aloof, indecisive, or not fully invested in a Im beginning to think a lot of people on here think their ex partner is avoidant/dismissive attachment because from our perspective it looks a lot like that. I have been in therapy 6 years and it has taken alot for feel things and not just push them under the rug (quickly moving from partner to partnerI/ drugs/ alcohol) know it’s easy to blame avoidants ( my ex is dismissive avoidant and I am completely heartbroken) but we are this way as a result of neglect/trauma/in difference in childhood. It's been an extremely painful ride. I found some of what he was talking about informative and useful, but Discovered today "dismissive avoidant attachment" she matches this point by point to a tee. I myself am anxious attached. The whole 9 months felt like a On the most part, an ideal relationship for a dismissive avoidant can be summarized as one that: Allows for contact with their partners, but at a safe, emotionally comfortable distance and on terms dictated by a dismissive avoidant. She works in the USA and I work in the UK (same company, but offices around the world). I used to be pretty avoidant myself. his reasoning was that he feels too stressed and burnt out to keep going with our connection and having to juggle college on top of that. Things were going really well. Dismissive Avoidant Question I'm Secure leaning DA, low 30s. Lots and lots of relationships, none lasting very long. and I can sweet talk to him like other people would do in their normal committed relationships. We work at the same place and see each other most days when we are at work. We were together for 1. Please respect our space Hi Reddit, So me and my now-ex boyfriend (had a 1 year relationship) are thinking of giving it another go. Thats how i know he is avoidant to all aspects in his life — just wasnt aware that i would be the “victim” too lol Also on that note, they freely told me their deep dark secrets (about childhood abuse, mental illness, and the root of their avoidant problems) pretty early on in the relationship, and yet it was the day-to-day secrecy that ended up eroding our relationship. Anything that someone with my bf's attachment style (dismissive avoidant) wish their partner could understand? Thanks. My ex (f38) broke up with me (m39) 3 months ago out of the blue and it’s shook me to my core. thus leading me to have an anxious attachment style; wondering if he would be happy with me today or not. I had been with my partner for 5 1/2 years and felt like I didn't have the feelings I should have for her at that point in our relationship. He can't go through hard time in relationship though I really wanted to grow with him. My past relationship 5 years ago got emotionally and physically abusive at the end (he hit me and I got PTSD). I wanted a relationship and he didn't. And being in a relationship that is aware can actually help change one's attachment style. I have not asked her to be friends ever, she indicated several times “she hoped we could be friends” - made zero effort to show that or facilitate a friendship. Maybe the writing’s on the wall because of the way they are behaving. We have the classic definition of the above attachments, me (22M) being the anxious and him(20M) being the avoidant. In the past I also dated people who are unavailable for long-term committed relationships(eg Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your parents when you were a child. It sounds like it’s quite difficult being avoidant. fokoatn ejxt mqjpm netwnf vinpujsu bynvg kfidykv jdwtf tzz hdefa